The Bottom Line Vine

Here are the 10 worst workplace gifts. A lot of these are common sense, but it seems like common sense is not so common sometimes. So while you peruse this list if you see the blatant absurdity, then pat yourself on the back. If you think some of these are cool gifts, then don’t move a muscle. Sit right there and wait for my “What to Buy” suggestions!

Ok, I’m not pulling any punches here… chances are no matter what you end up getting it is either going to be useless or meaningless to the coworker you give it to. That being said, it is probably going to be re-gifted. In light of this, respect the recipients re-gifting rights and don’t monogram it. Not only does monogram eliminate the re-gift route, but it’s extremely tacky.

9. Camera / Combo Gadget

I have noticed two odd phenomenon in our society. The first is the delusion that some kind of ill-conceived gadget, one we would never use ourselves, would make a good gift. The second fits nicely with the first and it’s our strange compulsion to combine digital cameras with everything (which took the place of combining an AM radio with everything). No one needs or will ever use a digital camera watch, digital camera key chain, digital camera bottle opener, digital camera golf ball cleaner… The one exception is the camera phone, but you’re not going to buy your secret Santa a cell phone so forget the camera combo. A straight up digital camera is a great gift, but if it’s cheap enough to qualify for an office gift exchange then it’s a bad gift.

8. Donation in the name of…

Giving a donation in the name of… as a gift really is a slap in the face. Honestly, can you think of a more disappointing gift than a card that says someone gave money to “The Human Fund” on your behalf. Personally if I want to support the “Homeless Spider Monkey Defense Fund,” I’ll cut them a check myself. Don’t deprive me of my Pepperidge farm smoked meat log!

7. Gift Box Chesses & Smoked Meat Logs

Sure there are people out there that love those gift boxes that are stuffed with vacuum sealed cured meat packages filled with sodium, nitrates and mad cow disease but there are enough that don’t to warn you of this potential flop. Even if you buy it yourself, these wreak of re-gift and most will assume it has been sitting in your closet for the last year.

6. Not So Subtle Hints

You wouldn’t buy a co-worker deodorant or slimfast, so don’t buy them a book that is about fixing their short comings. Despite how good the book “How to Make Friends & Influence People” may be, you aren’t giving a best selling book, you are giving a veiled insult. Here a few particularly offensive books to avoid…

• “From Belly Fat to Belly Flat”
• “Character Makeover”
• “Looking & Feeling Younger”
• “Interpersonal Communication for Dummies”
• “It Hurts When I Poop”

5. Am/Pro Gifts

Sure it seems logical, Jim in Accounting used to be a Golf-Pro, so I should get him something to do with Golf… Oh yeah, how about that cool golf ball sweet spot finder I saw on QVC? No, bad idea. You are on the right track focusing on their interests, but chances are if they are passionate about a particular hobby they already have everything they need for said hobby and all your gift will do is show your ignorance and put them in the awkward position feigning appreciation.

4. Decorative Pieces & Decor

In most cases if you think you have a good eye for aesthetics, you probably don’t. Even you do happen to have good tastes they probably aren’t going to match up with your co-workers tastes so avoid giving decorative pieces. Chances are whatever you give is going to stick out like a sore thumb, yet they’ll feel obligated to put that silly sculpture on their desk for at least a couple weeks.

3. Picture of Yourself

Unless you work with your mom and you are 7 years old, don’t give a framed picture of yourself to anyone at the office. All it will do is serve as a reminder of the person that gave them the worst office gift ever.

2. Handmade Stuff

It’s great to have hobbies outside of work and if you are a struggling artisan, you probably put a lot of time and energy into your work. What’s better than giving someone the fruits of you hard work and creative talents? A lot of things. If you fancy yourself an artist then adorn you office with something you’ve made. People will probably compliment it but if the really like it they’ll ask you where they can get one. In that case, by all means, that is a great gift. If your work is not vetted then don’t risk the disappointment of a feigned thank you only to find your handicraft in the dumpster out back.

1. Lingerie

Since common sense is not common I had to say this. DO NOT BUY ANYONE YOU WORK WITH UNDERWEAR. Chances are you will either embarrass youself, the recipient, or both and land youself with a sexual harassment complaint. Even if it is well recieved it’s going to raise some eyebrows around the office.

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